It has been eight months since my last post and suffice it to say there have been significant changes in my life since that time. Future posts will reveal those details but for now I would like to share a new passion. I recently read the book, "Not a fan", by Kyle Idleman, and was thoroughly moved. The basic premise is to point out the difference between being a fan of Jesus and being a true follower of Jesus. Throughout his book Kyle included stories by people that described why they considered themselves "not a fan". Recently my husband began a sermon series based on this book and he asked me to share with the church my "not a fan" story. This was definitely a nerve wracking thing to do, but I felt it was absolutely necessary in order for me to move forward in my walk with the Lord. I realize that my blog posts are usually sarcastic or silly, but after an eight month hiatus I decided to share my heart. Here goes....
Being a churchgoer as a kid means attending Sunday School, Vacation Bible School, and Youth Church Camp. I was a churchgoer.....a good kid, that is until, at the age of 15, I found out I was pregnant. I didn't get invited to church camp that summer. Like a lot of women that find themselves in the midst of an unplanned pregnancy, I was terrified, confused, and desperate. I didn't want to tell my parents, I didn't want to deal with any of it, I thought that abortion was my only option.
I did not understand at the time, but now I know that God intervened and I was not able to make that choice. I told my family that I was pregnant and I was so relieved at how they loved me and supported me through that time. During the pregnancy, I began to realize that a plan for adoption would be the best thing for my baby and me. In the months and years that followed that incredibly emotional time....I was hurting.
Because I was a churchgoer and not a follower, I did not lean on the Lord to ease my pain. For thirteen years I sought out a salve from the world; alcohol, drugs, toxic relationships. I was angry at God and at churchgoers for letting me down. By the time I was 29 years old, I had made a mess of my life.....and I still hurt.
The sudden death of my father opened my eyes and my heart to the fact that there was more to life than running in circles trying to shake the pain. I began to give my life over to Jesus and follow Him. To my sweet surprise, I found that the Lord was there waiting for me to return to Him. He welcomed me with an embrace that caused all my pain, grief and shame to be washed away.
Shortly after that I married a Godly man who loved me, not in spite of my past, but because of it. He was called into the ministry and together we embarked on a life of serving. I began to realize that what I had wanted to run from THE MOST in my life, was the exact thing that God intended to use for His glory.
Today I am the director of a Pregnancy Center Ministry, where every single day I get to share my story with young women that are about to walk a path I had walked. I never dreamed that FOLLOWING Jesus would lead me to the very healing I needed the most. My name is Karen Alley and I am not a fan.
Are you? Till next time....
