A Straight Line

Most people agree that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line.  Why is it, then, that we do not apply that same simple equation to all things in life; specifically in the way we communicate.  OK I know this is already starting to sound boring, but stay with me here.  Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, can make me more crazy than a person that talks endlessly, but never really says anything.  I realize that I have the attention span of a three year old on Mountain Dew, but is it really necessary for the lady at the book store cash register to review every book she's ever read while ringing me up?  Just take my money and tell me to have a nice day, thank you very much.  If people don't get to the point within a sentance or two, they should know that my thoughts have moved on from what they are saying,  to when I'm going to make time to pluck my eyebrows or how to get the motor oil fingerprints off of my favorite tea pitcher.  Don't ask. The irony of my rambling on about this subject is not lost on me.  This is, however, my blog so you must have some reason to still be here and I can assure you, I am on my way to a point.

It's not just the going on and on about nothing that I get frustrated with, there is the whole matter of saying something, but meaning something else, and expecting the person with whom you are speaking to know the difference.  Allow me to give you an example.  When my husband says, "can we bake some cookies tonight?", what he really means is "will you bake me some cookies tonight?".  Why he does not say what he means, I will never know.  It has taken me over a decade to figure out exactly what he meant in the first place.  He doesn't want to flat out ask me to bake the cookies because he doesn't want to be inconsiderate, however, if he could somehow get me to think that he will be involved in the baking of the cookies and it was actually my idea and I offered to do it, he gets his cookies and I never knew the difference.  As you might guess, dealing with someone as direct as me  has caused my poor husband more than a few "misunderstandings".   My motto is "I mean what I say and I say what I mean".  The implication is that there is never an underlying meaning or slip of the tongue.  This is, of course, far from the truth.  In a perfect world of communication, there would be no saying one thing and meaning another.  There would be no misunderstandings because we would all say exactly the right thing and the other person would have complete comprehension.  Which leads me to my last (and most important) communication peeve.

Every communication expert will tell you that over 90% of communication is non-verbal, meaning when we talk with someone, less than 10% of our communication comes from the words we speak.  The other 90% is in our body language, facial expressions, use of space, eye contact, etc.  So with these facts, it is safe to assume that we lose 90% of our communication skills when we e-mail, text, Facebook, twitter, etc.  That's 90% folks.  Imagine how difficult this sentance would be if I eliminated 90% of it?  It would look something like this:
Ima     w    i  lt    t    s   t   nce    ou    b   I  mi      d   %  it? 
Difficult to fully understand what I was saying in that last one huh?  It is for this reason that I will no longer communicate via text with someone that doesn't know me really well, unless it is something short or insignificant.  I will only communicate on Facebook if I am saying something cryptic or silly.  Trying to carry on a meaningful conversation or having a disagreement with someone using these forms of communication can be a really slippery slope.  Texting and Facebook communication is definately convenient (and safer than risking a never ending phone call from the aforementioned talker), but there is much danger for poor communication.  I have seen (and shamefully been involved in) many Facebook fights that really ended up causing hurt feelings and scarred relationships.  Who among us has not been blindsided by the dreaded "unfriend" in the midst of one of these.  In some circles, this is the social equivelant to ripping the sleeve of your shirt and announcing "you are dead to me!".  I ask you, what could possibly be worse.

Once again, I am guilty of doing the very thing I said frustrated me which is  rambling on.   The point I have been laboring to get to is this;  we have so much power with that little fleshy muscle called the tongue and we should be ever mindful to use it for good and not evil.  We have the power to bore, to educate, to encourage, to destroy, to spread love or to spread hate.  The Bible says, in James 3:5 that "the tongue is a small thing, that makes grand speeches.  But a tiny spark can set a great forrest on fire".  So, for all you ramblers and sufferers of diarrhea of the mouth, remember God gave us two ears and one mouth.  Each to be used accordingly.  For those of us that speak our minds and think that we have every right to do so, remember, just like toothepaste, once it's out of the tube there's no putting it back in.  Let us all be mindful of what we say, and how we say it.  I will leave you with this nugget of wisdom gained from one of my favorite sources of knowledge, The Real Housewives of New York, that goes....."say only what you mean, only don't say it mean."  Now those are words to live by.