There is a 50% chance that you are a daughter. If not, there is an even greater chance that
you have a daughter, are married to a daughter, have a sister who is a daughter
or if nothing else, you’ve had a mom who was a daughter. By now you have, no doubt, figured out the
topic for today. Guys don’t make
assumptions that this post will be a squishy, feely, chick thing. This topic does affect you so you might want to
give it a chance.
There are three girls in my life that are known as my daughters;
one bio, one step and one grand. I love
them all whole heartedly and I hope someday to have an in-law and more grands,
but I will try to be patient. In
addition to the daughters that I share my DNA or my last name with, there are
some young girls that I consider to be my daughters, even if the state of
Oklahoma or biology does not. These
girls bring me joy, pride, love and even the occasional heartache just like any
daughters. They were born daughters to
others, but God has blessed me with the opportunity to help nurture and
encourage them. For this awesome gift, I
am truly grateful. However, the gift
has come with a heartbreaking realization that not every daughter is cherished
as she should be. You see, I was brought
into this world and raised by a mom who was fantastic at her job. She was, and still is, loving, selfless and
totally devoted to her children, three of which are daughters. So it came as a complete shock to me that
there are women who bring daughters into the world and then quit. They don’t show love, they don’t cherish,
they don’t mom. This was completely
incomprehensible to me. Unfortunately
our society has become somewhat accustomed to dads that aren’t there, but
moms? Uh, uh….NO….this isn’t supposed to
happen. Moms throw themselves in the
path of danger to protect their babies, moms don’t eat so their kids can, moms
wear thrift store clothes so their daughters can wear mall store clothes. Which leads me to ask the question, “What
kind of woman can walk away from her daughter”?
Before you start thinking that I am being overly judgmental
and must be utterly insensitive to the struggles of women, let me explain a few
things. I know that some women struggle
with life to the point that it becomes too difficult for them to be who their
daughters needs them to be. When these
women are true moms, they make the heart-wrenching, courageous decision to
allow someone else to step in to be a temporary mom. When these struggling women dig deep, and
fight for the sake of their daughters, they will eventually overcome the
struggles to be reunited with them, and rightfully so. I have seen this story up close and I can
tell you, it is a most precious thing.
These moms are true moms.
I’m most disturbed by the dead-beat moms, the women that
give in to their struggles. The women
whose daughters ache to be a part of their lives, but there is just no
room. I have seen the pain in these
daughter’s eyes. I have held them on
mother’s day when they cried. They only
want what every daughter wants. They
long to compare the lines of their hands with their mom’s hands, to learn their
great-grandmother’s meatloaf recipe, to go shopping for their prom dress, to
cry on her shoulder after their first broken heart. Do these women even know what they are
missing? It makes me so angry that I want to get right in their faces and
scream, “what is wrong with you….you don’t deserve her”! I apologize for the outburst, but how can you
not feel the same way?
One of my favorite stories in the Bible is in Luke 8:43-48
when Jesus healed a woman that had been suffering and alone for twelve
years. She had faith that he would heal
her and he did. Afterwards, he said to
her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well, go in peace”. It was the only time in the bible that he
addressed someone as daughter, so he must have known how special it was. He knew that she was lonely and hurting and
needed to feel like someone’s daughter.
He has a way of knowing these things.
There are some really great guys in this mix that have
stepped up and taken on the role of mom and dad. There are some awesome grandparents that
parent. Some extended families that have
gone above and beyond. Suffice it to say
these girls are cared for by many and shrouded in love. They are good girls that have hope in a
future of happiness in spite of the pain they cope with. They are brave in the face of adversity and
yet I know them well enough to know that there is still an emptiness in their
hearts that can’t be filled. I will not
stop trying to fill it.
As I said, I’m
grateful for the opportunity to be a stand in mom to some really special
girls. There are most likely times when
they wish I wasn’t quite so motherly, but they know it comes from the
heart. I’m not the only woman that God
has placed in their lives and I hope that they see his provision as a means to
show his love for them. As for the women
that can’t seem to overcome their struggles and have disappointed their
daughters, there is a large part of me that wants to punch them in the uterus
followed by a round-house kick to the throat (that’s for the guys). But the part of me that wants to love like Jesus
does, knows that those women are also daughters. They are broken and they may not be doing the
mom thing right, but they are worthy to be loved like all daughters are. Maybe, with the help of some stand-in moms,
these girls will grow to be strong women and can teach their own moms how to
love, and cherish them. Hopefully, with
God’s love as their guide, they will all know what it means to be called
daughter.
THAT’S IT!!!! I love
you girls!
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